If you’re reading this, I’ll safely assume you’ve been in love with someone who’s not in your life anymore. Almost all of us on some level have had to deal with heartbreak. But when you actually love the person, it hurts even more. Here are 5 ways to move on after heartbreak:
1. Focus Your New Free Time On You: Use this time to catch up on some of the things you had been neglecting. When you’re in love, you usually end up spending all of your free time with the other person. That’s all wonderful and great, but you have to think, is it coming at a price? Have you been neglecting your needs? Your sleep? Friends? Health? Family? Work?
These are usually the first things that go out the window when we fall in love. We want to be around the person all the time. Getting back to “your” routine at this moment in a breakup is vital. Stella’s not the only one who can get her groove back. Catch up on the projects you've been putting off. Paint that dresser or get a solid nights sleep. You’ll see once the focus goes back on you, you’ll start feeling better and might even be more productive.
2. Go Enjoy Your City: Another high likelihood in a gushy, lovey-dovey relationship was that you probably spent most of your time doing the whole Netflix and chill thing. It’s always nice to hang with the person you love, but there’s a whole world out there. This is your chance to call up your friends and go try that new restaurant, yoga studio, lounge or dance club. Go to that new farmers market or street festival. See a comedy show or concert. Explore your town’s quirks and hidden gems. Cruise around blasting your favorite tunes. Have some fun enjoying where you live, whether it’s getting lost in the big city or experiencing a small town's charm.
3. Hit the Gym: What really helped me get over heartbreak was going to the gym. A boxing class is always a great (and safe) way to get out that aggression. We’ve all heard of a “runner’s high”, and it’s true! The endorphins that get released while working out only adds to your overall mood and health. Not only is working up a sweat or getting a good stretch great for your general well-being, but it actually becomes something you start to look forward to. Eating clean and taking care of yourself is the quickest way to feel better and raise your vibration. And the most obvious side effect of going to the gym is that you’ll whip your body into shape and maybe even meet your next significant other lifting or rowing right next to you.
4. Stop Trying to Place Blame: Analyze why the relationship came to an end and come to grips with that. If you didn’t cheat or do anything morally wrong, then you have to look at why it didn’t work and why you need to move forward. Love can put you in a spell. It can be the excuse we give for years of mistreatment.
It wasn’t until I realized that my ex was actually a bad fit for me that I began to get better on the inside. Once I realized that my heart was being taken advantage of, it actually made me feel at peace with our breakup. I was doing the best I could to be good to her.
I’ve seen people blame themselves for years after a relationship was over. When in reality, they were actually a great spouse and loved the other person deeply. They never move passed it because they kept blaming themselves. Of course, I did that too at first. I blamed myself for not being a million different things that I thought she wanted from me. But it was all bogus. After analyzing everything that went down in my breakup, I just had to accept that sometimes people need to work on themselves first before they can truly connect with another person. So just take this time to reconnect with yourself and your own needs.
You deserve someone who’s willing to jump over fences for you, not be on the fence about being with you. You know how you deserve to be treated and you have to stick to that standard. We let love give people permission to walk all over us or take advantage of us sometimes, but once we realize an old situation wasn’t serving us anymore, we can start to move in a more positive direction right away!
5. Get Back Out There: You don’t need to jump on Bumble or Tinder an hour after a tough breakup, but once you feel ready, don’t be afraid to get back out there. I personally think it helps your confidence to put yourself back on the market. Too many people have a bad habit of retreating after heartbreak, which is understandable, because you want to hide and curl up in a ball and not start over or get hurt again. I get it. But we all know intuitively that once we meet someone new that we connect with, those old tough feelings start to fade. Especially if it’s someone we really start to care for.
The old person comes into our thoughts less and less. I’m not saying go out and screw around just for sport, but start to talk and connect with people again. You don’t have to stop loving the other person, but you can now be in-love with someone new, IF you let yourself be open to it. So find that confidence again. Take a shiny new selfie and own that newly #TeamSingle life. You’ll realize it’s only as bad as you make it.