Put down the ice cream. Get out of the rom-com queue on Netflix (or horror, if you're really in a dark place). You're not going to spiral into a depression just because Single Awareness Day is creeping up. No. You're going to get out of those sweats, comb that hair, and fucking live your life. I know some of you have been avoiding the throw-up of pink and red aisles at the store like it's the plague. And I also know that you're vehemently trying to convince yourself that Valentine's Day isn't Valentine's Day, it's just February 14. Just another Tuesday. Just another regular, old day. Except it's not, and it's best to stop lying to yourself.
Luckily, I'm here to help you out, because I know what it's like. I haven't had a Valentine in nearly 6 years. But, instead of reaching for that Breyers chocolate ice cream in my freezer, I'm going to go out this year. Why? Because why the fuck not?
There are a bunch of events happening in Los Angeles on Valentine's Day for those who aren't boo'ed up, (and even more on the days surrounding it) and while I can't guarantee that they'll be better than the sex most couples are going to engage in later that night, I can guarantee that it'll be better than cry-stalking your ex on Instagram all night.
So, for those who want to do something a little different than the Carrie & Miranda gal-pal dinner date, here we go:
1. The Anti-Valentine's Day Party: We Like L.A. and the Museum of Broken Relationships Los Angeles are throwing a shindig which will give you access to all of the museum’s exhibits, as well as some entertainment to help you forget about your crush who is ruining their life by not being with you. There will be DJs spinning anti-love anthems all night long, food from NoMad Truck and Pico House, a cash bar, raffle and more. You have to be 21 and over, and tickets are $27 (which also includes one complementary drink ticket).
Time: 7-9:30 p.m.
Place: 6751 Hollywood Blvd., L.A.
More info: brokenships.ticketleap.com
2. Laugh It Off: There's not much else better than laughing over all the bullshit with those who just get you. Comedian Iliza Shlesinger is going to offer up her hilarious and blunt opinions on dating, pop culture and the shit-show, er, state of our current administration with a no-fucks-given Valentine's Day stand-up show. Tickets are $30.
Time: 6:30 p.m.
Place: The Wilshire Ebell Theatre
More info: Get tickets here.
3. Hear About People Who Have It Worse: You're not alone. In fact, there are people whose love lives are a lot shittier than yours, and it may be mean to say this, but we all know it's true--sometimes it's nice to hear about someone else's situation that makes ours look like a breeze (listen, don't get offended just because I said it out loud). The Moth StorySLAM, which originated in NYC, is an open-mic storytelling show, and this Valentine's Day, the show's theme is "Love Hurts," where storytellers will share a five-minute tale of a time when love was a bitch. Tickets are $5 - $16.
Time: 7:30 p.m.
Place: Los Globos , Silver Lake
More info: http://themoth.org/events
4. Let David Duchovny Be Your Boyfriend: He'll serenade you and probably give you enough images to last you the rest of the night. The X-Files and Californication star has been dabbling in the music scene and he'll be showing off his skills during a concert at the Roxy on Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, only the $150 VIP experience packages are available. Unless you're slick and can find a way in, regardless.
Time: 8 p.m.
Place: The Roxy, 9009 W Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles
More info: Get tickets here.
5. Get Yourself a New Toy: Do you wanna get some Tuesday night? OK, then. Get yourself a battery-operated friend to help you out. Sure, it may not be ideal (or it may be everything you need), but it's better than sitting around and trying to remember what an orgasm feels like. Stop by The Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood and do some retail therapy.
Time: They're open from 10 a.m. to 1 a.m.
Place: 7733 California Route 2, West Hollywood, CA 90046
More info: The Pleasure Chest
6. Hang Out With Me: Last, but certainly not least, The Problem With Dating is cohosting an event on Valentine's night with No Pressure No Shame called Into Me See in downtown LA. During this event, we'll talk about the struggles of intimacy, which are rooted in our inability to open up and be vulnerable. We'll have some fun games and social experiments in place to try and chip away at the walls we've built, while also enjoying some beverages, great music and even better company. The event is free (but donations are appreciated) and an RSVP is preferred.
Time: Doors open at 7:30 p.m., event begins at 8 p.m.
Place: Nous Tous Gallery, 454B Jung Jing Rd. (behind the Bruce Lee statue and next to Grand Star Jazz Club)
More info: RSVP here