Dare I dabble with the topic of cheating? Duh. We all know it was inevitable that this discussion would come up on The Problem With Dating because it is one of the biggestproblems with dating. Unfortunately, there are no clear answers as to why we get cheated on, why we cheat on people we care about or how to avoid it.
And that’s something we need to understand.
One of my guilty pleasures growing up was watching Joey Greco on the show Cheaters (with a plate of nachos). Yes, I indulged in the horrible act of watching other people’s hearts get broken as they witnessed the person they loved hooking up with someone else on a little video recorder, and subsequently ambushing them in the act.
But something I always noticed that especially irked me was what the cheater would say–”You made me do this…I wasn’t happy…You didn’t care anymore…”
Shut the fuck up. Seriously? That’s your excuse?
First of all, no one can make you do anything. It was a conscious choice to be unfaithful, you’re just pissed you got caught. And if you weren’t happy or felt that you weren’t getting the attention you deserved–how about bringing that up with your significant other and confronting the situation instead of distracting yourself from the situation by getting some from someone else?
Temptation is a mother…I know this, we all know this. That’s never going to go away, so what are you going to do?
If you can’t handle being in a committed relationship, then don’t be in one. Wanna slut it up? Go for it. Just understand you can’t have your cake and eat it, too–I know, I love cake, too, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles (all these food references are making me hungry).
I’ve been cheated on before, sometimes multiple times with the same guy. It sucks. You automatically feel like you did something wrong, and at the same time, try to convince yourself that they’re the ones who fucked up (which is usually true). Instead, it takes a toll on your self-esteem. You become ultra jealous and overthink everything. Why isn’t he texting back? Why am I getting his voicemail? Why isn’t he responding yet? So on and so forth…and you know what? That only makes it worse.
We’re always taught to let what happens in one relationship end with that relationship, and not to let the next person suffer the punishment from your previous bf/gf, but how often does that actually happen? It’s very natural to be apprehensive about things that have happened to you when entering a new union. After all, if it happened once, it could happen again, right? Right. But you can help make it less likely to happen if you just let this simple idea sink into your brain:
If they’re going to cheat on you, you can’t stop them.
Think about it…do you think checking someone’s phone or asking 101 questions or keeping your lover on a tight leash is going to make it less likely for them to cheat on you? No. In fact, you might push them to do it even more.
The minute someone has made the decision that they no longer care to be faithful, they will find a way to cheat. And that’s just the way it is.
What you can do is trust that the person you chose to give your heart to, respects you enough to take care of it. It’s not easy and it takes a lot of work to blindly trust someone, but you have no other choice. Without trust, how can you even begin to think about building a relationship with someone?
Now, if your boyfriend or girlfriend do things to make you question their actions, try not to figure out what’s going on by going on snoop sesh (if you’re looking for dirt, you’re gonna get dirty). Just ask them! Bring it up. It’s better to nip that bitch in the bud than to make up all these scenarios in your head that will probably be 10 times worse than what’s actually going on.
Can they come up with a story that’s full of shit? Of course. Are you going to trust that they won’t? I hope so, because if you can’t, then you have bigger fish to fry.
The best you can do is continuously let your special someoneknow that they’re special. Don’t be absent in your relationship and don’t forget the little things. Be the partner you want your partner to be and hope that they’d appreciate that enough to reciprocate it.
And if they don’t, it might be time to reassess the situation and figure out if this is something worth fighting for or if it’s time to chuck up the deuces and move on.
(There are a lot of other cheating discussions we can get into, and I will, but for now–we’ll end it here.)