Dating Diary: The Drunk Guy That Tried to Touch My Privates

Dating Diary: The Drunk Guy That Tried to Touch My Privates

Dear Dating Diary, This one is a shorty but a goodie, and how do I know that? Because every time I think about this story, I remember the face one of my best guy friends made after I told it to him. So here it is...sigh.

A couple of years ago, I went to a journalism convention in San Diego. I was really stoked about it, too. Not because it was a journalism convention (I'm not THAT geeky), but because I'd never actually been to San Diego. I know, shame on me. So I was ready to party it up with my college pals down at the Gas Lamp District at night and learn some fundamental traits in writing the news during the day. Our first night there, four of my girlfriends and I got all dolled up and hit the party scene. We went to this well known club on the strip and were having a great time. At one point, I felt a guy come up and dance behind me and looked to my girls for some sort of assistance in determining whether I should pull away or go with it.

Surprisingly, I got approving facial expressions so I did a little glance back to see what I was working with and--gasp--he was a cutie! A drunk cutie, but a cutie.

He then offered me a sip of his Adios Motherfucker, to which I gave him a "Do-you-think-I'm-stupid" look (ain't nobody got time to get drugged by a stranger in San Diego). He continued to offer it to me, I continued to decline. That was annoying but whatever we kept dancing.

And then...

He attempted to put his hand up my skirt so that he could cop a feel of my V. I instantly slapped his hand away and for some reason, that inspired him to recite a famous lyric from the 1994 Tag Team classic, "Whoomp! There it is!"

Judging by his aim, he wouldn't know where anything is if it hit him in the face.

Asshole.