Dear future lover, My name is Marina. We haven’t met yet, but that’s a good thing. A great thing, actually. See, you don’t know it, but I’m preparing myself for you — mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. Right now, I’m nowhere near being the woman you’re hoping for, nor am I near being the woman you deserve to love. I’m still finding myself while stumbling, tripping, falling and occasionally, getting lost along the way. I know what I want and who I’m aiming to be, but I haven’t fully arrived at either destination. I feel as though I’ve flirted with the possibility of both a time or two, but have yet to fully commit. Why? Well, that’s what I’m figuring out.
I’m currently on this journey of self-love and acceptance, which involves forgiveness and understanding for people and situations that I cannot change, and focusing on what I can. It hasn’t always been easy, but not only will it benefit me, it will benefit us. If I can love myself, by myself, I know that I can love you selflessly. I know that I’ll be able to compromise more, communicate, and work towards solutions so that we aren’t tainted with assumptions, because we’re too afraid to ask each other, “What’s wrong?”
On this journey, I’ve also opened my eyes to realize what I will and won’t tolerate, and become more conscious of the energy I put out, because we are what we put into the Universe. And personally, I wouldn’t want to drag loads of pain, stress, or regret into yours.
I’m also learning to pace myself. You know, work with time and not against it. This way I can enjoy you. Enjoy us. From the good to the bad, and every moment in-between. From your mind, to your being, to the way you move and the way you feel. I want to appreciate you. All of you.
Yes, I’ve had my share of fucked up situations in life and relationships, but you are not to blame. I’m working on being a better woman so that you reap the benefits of the strength I built rather than feel as though you’re paying the price for a person you’ve never known.
I want and will become the most confident I’ve ever been, the most fearless I’ve ever been, the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, and the most loving I’ve ever been. I’ll be the woman I’ve worked so hard to become and the woman we both thought we’ve waited long enough to find.
Please be patient.
Mother and writer doing everything she can in one lifetime. You are appreciated.