Has Intimacy Become a Lost Art?

When people find out I write about love and dating, I tend to get a variety of responses, and unfortunately, one of those responses is a question that illustrates the exhaustion and hopelessness that many of us feel. “Do you think we’re fucked?”

It’s no secret the dating game has changed immensely for our generation. Now, not only do we struggle with the complexities of human behavior, but the addition of the Internet, dating apps, distractions and lowering our standards have made genuine relationships that much more difficult to obtain. Somewhere along this roller coaster ride, where we find ourselves navigating through one bullshit encounter after another, we’ve either unknowingly or defeatedly lost our ability to truly be intimate with another person. And that, my friends, is quite a shame.

Before we continue to dive deeper into that, let’s explore the idea of intimacy as a whole.

When you think about being intimate with someone, what pops into your mind? Is it wearing lace lingerie and making love under candle light? Or is it revealing your inner-most fears and desires out loud to someone you care about? Maybe both?

That’s the beauty of intimacy. It’s such a vast concept that ranges from the erotic physical pleasure to the vulnerable moments that will become the monumental building blocks to a strong foundation in your relationship. Some would argue that intimacy is considered an art. I would agree, but also argue that intimacy is a lost art.

We have become molded into a generation centered around perception. We want to seem a certain way, look a certain, be a certain way to our peers and even those we may never actually know, and unfortunately, that public persona that we put on usually tempts us to step away from expressing our honest and true feelings to others. And while that’s sad, it’s not surprising. Why would we be honest and open? So we can get fucked over again and bare our soul to someone else who probably doesn’t give a shit anyway? So instead, we become blocked off. We bury ourselves even deeper within our core to the point that it becomes more work to be ourselves than to be someone we want others to believe we are. And that creates a problem when it comes to intimacy.

How can you be truly intimate with a person if you’re so guarded? How can you sincerely hold someone’s hand in yours, gaze into their eyes for long periods of time, bask in their embrace or make love (yeah, I said it) when you’re too busy protecting yourself from being hurt? How can you even begin to open up to someone else when you refuse to even open up to yourself? The short answer to all of that is this--you can’t.

Can we reignite intimacy? I think so. We just have to make a promise to ourselves to be willing. Willing to risk our perception for our reality. Willing to chip away at the walls we’ve so adamantly built so that we can share the experience from the other side with someone else. Willing to allow another human being to connect with us in the most organic yet beautiful way.

It’s not going to happen overnight, that’s for sure, but this journey can begin as soon as you make the pledge to at least try. And you don’t have to do it alone.

The Problem With Dating and No Pressure, No Shame will be hosting a special event called Into Me See: An Intimate Conversation About Intimacy on Valentine’s night where we will step back into ourselves and work on our inner-relationship, connecting with our vulnerabilities and reflecting on our traits, so that we may be able to dust off our identity, share our transparency and be intimate with ourselves and with others once again.

Stay tuned for details on the event coming soon.