Congratulations, you have survived Valentine’s Day. For those of you who follow the site’s Instagram (and if you don’t, WTF? @problemwithdating), I stayed true to my word and spent my night watching He’s Just Not That Into You and eating ice cream. And no, I didn’t do it to as a self pity party…quite the contrary.
I read the book years ago and loved the film adaptation because it’s raw, honest and true. Plus, with certain situations going on in my life right now, I needed a refresher.
With that said, I chose the top 5 lessons from the flick that stood out so I can share them with you because I’m an awesome friend. Yes, and I run a blog on dating so it works. But more so, because I care about you.
1. Don’t Make Excuses: The opening of the movie is such a gem. When we’re younger and a boy picks on us, for whatever reason, the first thing we hear is that they’re doing it because they like us. Um, what? And that’s when it all begins.
“Do you know what this means? We’re all encouraged–no, programmed–to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk, that means he likes you.”
And then the friends come in with their own reasoning as to why he never pursued anything with you. God knows, I’ve heard all of these: He’s intimidated by your success, he just got out of a serious relationship, he’s never been in a serious relationship, he doesn’t know how to handle a woman like you, you’re too good for him…etc.
Bless their hearts, they’re only trying to look out for you, but I’m telling you right now–he’s not pursuing anything with you because he doesn’t like you. End of story.
2. You Are the Rule, Not the Exception: Unless it’s some rare occasion that you turn out to be the exception, but most often than not, you’re the rule.
This goes along with the first part about making excuses. You try to find similar stories with a happy ending that parallel your situation so that you can make yourself believe that your outcome will be the same. No, it won’t.
Every circumstance in a relationship is different. Just because Sally got cheated on by Joe, but they ended up living happily ever after (exception), doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a joyful relationship with that dick that just screwed you over. It means that guy’s an asshole who cheated on you because he doesn’t like you, so move on (rule).
3. Don’t Be Fooled, You Just Got Dumped: Guys can act stupid sometimes, but they can also be extremely sneaky. Don’t underestimate their ability to bamboozle you.
A lot of men can’t just straight out say, “Sorry, I’m not interested in you,” so they try to go around it in a way that leaves you feeling like you’re too good for them and that it was your idea to end it. “But why am I alone? Why am I unhappy? Why have I gained 20 pounds?” Because they actually dumped you. Story of my life.
Oh, I don’t wanna stand in your way. You’re perfect, I just have to work on myself. I’m just thinking of your happiness. I don’t deserve you…my personal favorite.
Please, if I was that great, you wouldn’t wanna let any other man have me and keep me to yourself. Now excuse me, I need to go buy myself some ribs and some ice cream.
4. You Can’t Just Be Friends If You Want to Have Sex With Each Other: And I’m not talking about fuck buddies, I’m talking about Bradley Cooper and Scarlett Johansson’s situation, where he’s married and she’s being a little slut. Yeah, I said it.
The moment you find yourself physically attracted to someone to the point where you picture “dry humping” them, or making excuses to see them, or thinking about them constantly–leave it alone. That will only lead to bad things happening, as it did in the movie.
“I mean, am I not allowed to be friends with people that are HOT?” No, Bradley, not if all you want to do is bang them and they’re more than willing to do so.
5. The Spark: I saved the best one for last. The moment Justin Long gave Ginnifer Goodwin that speech about the spark, I felt like he was talking to me. Listen up, Bruna. This is for you.
“The spark thing is bullshit…Guys invented the spark so they could not call, and treat you kinda bad, and keep you guessing…and they convince you that, that anxiety and that fear that just develops naturally is actually just a spark. And you guys all buy it; you eat it up, and you love it. You love it because you feed off that, that drama. You all love that drama…
And let me guess, when you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling – constantly – pacing back and forth, staring at your phone for days, even though the date was kinda just mediocre?
Look, you’ve gotta be more like me; if a girl likes me–great. But if not? There are plenty more out there like her.”
It’s so true. Don’t get me wrong–I still believe that chemistry and yes, maybe even a spark, is necessary, but why let certain guys claim so much of our emotions when in actuality, they’re not even that great? You know there’s better out there, you know they’re probably no good for you anyway, yet you sit there thinking about them constantly and letting yourself get sad over it. Why? Because you need someone to obsess over? Don’t give them that satisfaction.
Bottom line: It doesn’t have to be so hard. Guy likes girl, girls likes guy…they make it happen. Guy likes girl a little but also likes a bunch of other girls, girl likes that one guy…shit hits the fan and you get treated like shit.
Stop caring about people that don’t care about you.