I Know You Want More of My Time, But I'm Doing the Best I Can

I Know You Want More of My Time, But I'm Doing the Best I Can

Drake once rapped, “The girl or the world? Someone has to lose.” So, what do you prefer? Do you want love or do you want time? I feel like I can’t balance the two. I can show love to you when I’m there, but you always tell me I’m not there enough. The attention you need to feel loved, I’m not giving. Life has me occupied with so many obstacles. Can I truly love you while giving everything I have towards reaching my goals? As I build with you it takes away from me chasing my dreams. The more time I build on my dreams, the more time I’m losing loving someone as special as you. And it has me feeling like at some point, I have to choose between the two, and that will leave me losing no matter what the decision is.

I know what you’re going to say… “A man makes time for what he really cares about,” and I agree, but the bigger question here is this--how much time do you require from me to know that I care?

I really do like you and I enjoy being around you, but I’m truly busy, and I don’t mean to glorify the word as an excuse. There’s just no other way to put it. I’m hustling at a 9 to 5 while plotting my next move because I don’t want to be stuck in this lifestyle forever. I am trying to build my business while maintaining responsibilities to different organizations outside of my career, I make sure to stay fit and healthy by keeping up with my workouts, and even then, I still make time to call, text and see you at least a few times a week.

But that’s never enough.

You say I don’t give you the attention you deserve. You say I only make time for what I want, without understanding that I’m trying to make time for you. So how am I supposed to feel when you’re constantly disappointed regardless of me trying to do my best with giving you whatever time I have. I could be spending the few moments of free time that I have doing other things I enjoy, but I choose to spend it with you, and I will continue to do so. Why? Not because I feel obligated to, but because spending time with you is the highlight of my week, and I’m sorry if the stress of my daily life has made it difficult for you to see that.

Please try to understand I am a man that has a dying thirst to provide a better life for my family as opposed to the lifestyle I was raised in. I would love for you to be the woman to help build that household with me, but baby you gotta understand I don’t have the luxury of relaxing for too long. It never crossed your mind that instead of working on my future, I would rather spend my days getting to know you better, making new memories with you or just laying on the couch holding each other.

I could give you all the attention in the world, but I would never be truly happy. Right now I’m not happy with everything I have accomplished or my current place in life. Yes, being with you makes me happy but it doesn’t complete me. I still have goals and dreams I have to chase in order to satisfy my life. I could love you forever, but if I don’t pursue these things I will always feel like something’s missing.

You told me when we first started dating that you refuse to settle. I’m the same way. Yet the difference is you were talking about a relationship and I was talking about my life. Baby I can love you, but right now I can’t give you all the time you want. I want to give you the world, because you truly deserve it, but it takes time and work to deliver that. And sometimes that means time away from you.

I know this is a difficult predicament I’m putting you in. I’m asking you to be patient and understanding with my growth, which in turn will benefit our growth. I don’t want to hold you hostage in this phase of my life, because you deserve a man that can give you everything you want, and I know love is a verb. My actions may not be up to par to what you think love is, but trust me when I say I don’t want to lose you. Baby, I know you don’t have time to waste. I love you more than the time I can currently give.

I’m begging that you allow me the opportunity to try to balance the two. I’m asking you to be patient and trust that I love you even if I’m not always there. My perfect world has you in it, and you may think this is selfish, but I don’t want to have to choose between the two. So, please, don’t make me.