Perspective is a major key. I believe the best way to learn or experience something is by doing, living and trying. Whether you succeed or fail, what you take away from it shapes your perspective, and those takeaways snowball into how you interact with others, how you view the world and how you live your life.
As the saying goes, “You can’t talk about it if you never lived it."
Well, I’ve lived through some things in my few years on this Earth, and I will continue to live through things as long as I’m here, but my perspective on what I went through, good or bad, was shaped because I managed to find those sparkling silver linings that keep me sane.
A huge light bulb moment came from one of the toughest experiences of my life.
Exactly a year ago, my life was turned upside down. The woman I thought had my back for the rest of my life proved otherwise. I remember how broken I felt. Those who know me, know that I’m not an outwardly emotional person, and 99 percent of the time, I’m calm and cool. But I was in a glass case of emotion a la Ron Burgundy, I was toast.
I took an 8-hour drive from Greenville, SC to Philadelphia, which easily became one of the most memorable drives of my life so far for so many reasons. I can candidly tell you I saw God that day. Not in physical form of course, but the signs (physical and spiritual) I saw were from Him. I’ll die knowing that. Although I was down, I wasn’t out. I’ve never felt defeat in my life. I’ve lost battles, but overall I’m undefeated because God has my back.
I had everything vested in our relationship. She was going to be the mother of my children. I never loved anyone the way I loved her. I sacrificed everything for her. She was my wife, and as far as I’m concerned there was no other option. I would’ve expected her to do the same for me.
I remember the moment I knew the relationship was over and I remember when the relationship actually ended. I remember being overly calm on the outside, but feeling crushed on the inside. Those first six months were heavy and tough, but necessary.
Life came at me fast and I had two options: Be mad at the world or understand that God always has a plan that works out for the greater good. Having friends and family around me made life much easier as well. I have such an amazing support system. I love all of you and you know who you are. Whether in person or over the phone, I had people I could talk to who love me, and they knew the way I handled everything was a testament to my strength and character. They prayed for me and they prayed with me. I pretty much had every reason in the world to go off on her, snap out, just totally lose it, but I never felt that was necessary. I just left. I literally walked away. I was heard from, but was never seen from again. As cold as that may sound, I knew there was no other way, because at that moment it was no longer about us. She made it about me, and I had to be selfish.
I’m of the school of thought that if you’re going to sign up for something, give it all you have. Do your very best. If you’re going to be a THOT, be the best THOT you can be. If you’re going to be a writer, make an effort to be the best writer you can be.
For me, I signed up to be a husband, so in my mind, I was going to be the best husband I knew how to be, and I think I did a pretty solid job, too, all things considered.
I remember everyone's shock when word got out that we were married. Everyone thought she was pregnant or some other crazy theory. It was pretty hilarious. To be totally candid, I had no fucks to give for anyone that had an opinion other than congratulatory. It was that simple. That was my woman, period. It was respected, and if it wasn’t, you had to go. That’s the real G code.
I’m a thinker. It drives my mom crazy, which is hilarious, but it’s the reason I’m able to do the things I do in the manner I’m able to do them, both personally and professionally. I try to stay as many steps ahead as possible, but even then, divorce was something I never saw coming, and it hit me like a Mack Truck.
What is the silver lining for marrying someone you love and it not even lasting two years? That’s like a sick joke that initially I didn’t have the answer to, but in time, it started to make more sense. And now, a year later, I’m the one that’s doing the laughing, because I finally see the purpose of His plan.
My ex-wife really helped me grow. She showed me things about myself, both good and bad that I wasn't aware of. Things were revealed to me, and I’m forever grateful. And although the relationship I thought was supposed to last forever didn't, I’m pretty pleased to have found out sooner rather than later that her and I were not meant to be.
I'll admit, the thought of what could have been crosses my mind--what my life would be like if everything I envisioned was still happening, but she’s not here. So that proves that I’m on the right path, and I’m just supposed to live life with someone else.
So now the next question is, what’s her name?