My Pattern: The Challenge of Balancing Purpose and Romance

There’s some internal dialogue that began as a whisper before I turned 30, but now, as I get closer to 40, it has blossomed into a real conversation.

Further reinforced by a casual scroll through The Pattern App, I found myself suddenly doing a deep dive into the abyss of thought concerning my purpose and whether or not that would include a special woman in my life.

Can I fully pursue and excel in my career without having to sacrifice family aspirations? It is possible to achieve both?

Call me a dreamer, but I believe it is. I won’t solely rely on an app, but after doing some further reading, it did give me a feeling of satisfaction and vindication.


“What works best for you in a relationship is being with someone who encourages you to find your sacred calling and purpose...”

Alarmed because I felt seen, I immediately clicked on “Go Deeper.”

As I continued to scroll to the left, nodding my head in agreement and wonder, I read the qualities for an ideal relationship. It concluded by saying that these qualities ensure that I won’t be held back from my intended path and that they are essential for me to fully thrive.

This app knows me a little too well, because this is something I think about often and I know there are plenty of other people who have the same sentiment. Finding your calling and purpose are lifelong journeys, and we’re fortunate that our Creator can send messengers along the way to help guide us in the right direction.

My calling and my purpose mean a lot to me. That’s at the core of my being, and I hope one day I’m able to express those sentiments in my relationship. But as of now, I’m on the path of transitioning from surviving to thriving. I don’t believe that’s the ideal situation to properly attract or even entertain a serious or long-term relationship, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I just don’t think it’s likely.

Where I am currently is not where I’ll be in a few years. When you’re freelancing and pursuing entrepreneurship, there’s no secret formula. It’s going to be inconsistent. There won’t be a work-life balance and it will feel like you’re on a never-ending roller coaster. The ups and downs can be tough, but sacrifices must be made when your calling and purpose are on the line. Eventually, everything opens up in your favor, but it takes time.

With that said, it can take a toll on a romantic relationship. If there is no encouragement or support within your partnership, it can become super unhealthy and a distraction instead of motivation. And at this point in my life, I’m super good on that.

This also led me to understand why people become codependent.

Codependency can show up in various forms and there’s more to it than just settling with someone for the sake of having a companion by your side. I’ve been in LA for four years and have done some dating along the way, trying my best not to learn the same lesson twice and keeping myself open to the possibility of meeting someone along my journey. But I’ve definitely learned some things.

One of my biggest takeaways is that potential can seem enticing, but oftentimes it’s an unrealistic projection that we consciously, or subconsciously, place on someone else. Wishing and hoping that in time certain qualities about a potential partner could or would change can leave you open to disappointment. It’s best to not put unnecessary pressure or unrealistic expectations upon another person.

And building with someone who is still on a journey to figuring out where their potential lies can get tricky.

The bottom line is this—finding your purpose is difficult and finding the person you’re supposed to be with is just as, if not more, complicated. Personally, I think the signs I’ve been given lean more towards purpose first and relationship second. But who knows? Life always has a funny way of surprising you.

Let’s see where I am a few years from now.

Jacky Wright is striving to become a master in the art of living; pursuing his vision of excellence and blurring the lines between work and play.