Hey stranger! Sorry I haven't written in a while. Life happens sometimes, but I promise it won't happen again. Hopefully. So what do I want to talk about tonight? Clarity. It's a beautiful thing and it happens sparingly, which is why I think it's so special. I wish I could just bottle it up and reopen it when needed, but I can't. What I can do is write about it, and return to the post when I'm feeling weak. And here I am.
I'm all about honesty and if you've read my other blog posts, you already know that I'm not shy about putting myself out there. With that said, it's pretty clear that the reason I haven't been in a relationship in three years isn't just about the guys I'm meeting. It's me too. We've already discussed my problems with dating, but I didn't talk about the main problem: I put a block on my heart. I had tunnel vision. I was focused on one man and that's it. For almost three years now, that was my life. And then recently--I started to snap out of it.
Now, to be perfectly honest, I've had these moments before and then fell right back down the rabbit hole. That's why I'm writing about it now, so in case that happens, I can remind myself to stop being irrational.
So how do you do it? How do you stop loving someone that completely consumed you? I'm not certain you can completely rid your heart of someone who took up so much space, but you can make the effort. And that's the key--make the effort. For so long, I made excuses. "Oh, but this is different," "Oh, but he does care about me," "Oh, it's just timing."
You know what all that is? Bullshit. We make things so much harder than they are. We overanalyze. We pick apart every little situation in hopes of finding something that will play into the bogus story we've made up in our head so that we don't get completely crushed by the truth, and the truth is if he's not doing anything to get you or keep you, then he doesn't really want you.
I've worked hard to become a good woman. The type of woman that people would be like, "She's a catch." So why am I going to become a woman of value and then depreciate my worth by running after a man that doesn't see that? Why do any of us do that? We need to give ourselves more credit, both men and women.
Give yourself a pat on the back. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you deserve the best. This whole cat and mouse shit is for kids. If you want something to chase, chase your career, chase your dreams, chase your drinks. Don't chase love. Love is not meant to be a game or an obstacle course, although we've made it that way. You know why they say the best love happens when you least expect it? Because it happens naturally.
So instead of going after that one person that keeps you vying for their heart, recognition and attention, stand up for yourself and walk away. You owe it to yourself.