There are certain things that happen in life that remind you what's important, and one of those things just happened to me. No, I didn't have a near-death experience, but I did have an experience that reminded me of something I may have tried to overlook--we can't go through life alone.
I've touched on the balance of independence and vulnerability before, but I know I still sometimes try to be Miss Independent Woman of the Year, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but man, if I've learned anything in the past 72 hours, it's that I can't do it alone.
I had a last minute surgery on Friday that put everything into perspective yet again. It wasn't anything too major, but I definitely underestimated the whole thing. What I assumed would be a simple drain for a cyst that has come and go for the past 10 years turned into me checking into the hospital, getting an IV, going under and getting cut up.
I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous as shit. Hospitals already give me an eerie vibe, but I haven't actually been admitted to one since I was a child, so it was all freaking me out.
And doing it alone was not fun, either.
Well, I guess "alone" isn't the correct term. That's not fair to say. It's not fair to my coworker who spent her day off driving me to and from the hospital to make sure I was OK, it's not fair to my friend who came over later that night to check on me and bring me dinner because I wasn't allowed to eat all day, and it's not fair to my other good friend who drove over in the morning when I said I was in pain and helped me call 5-plus pharmacies to find the pain medication I was prescribed, drive to get my meds and help me shower--all before having to host her own pool party in a few hours.
Even though I'm "alone," I'm never really alone. I have amazing people in my life and I'll never forget that.
But there's still that melancholy feeling I get once everyone goes back to their daily life, and I'm here by myself. I'm not trying to play the pity card, I swear. It's just a thought that began developing with all of my "free time" yesterday.
You cannot get through life alone. You may think you can and you may swear up and down that you don't need anybody, but the truth of the matter is--you do.
I wouldn't have been able to function if it weren't for my friends yesterday. And I'll be the first to admit that this whole thing made me wish I had a significant other. Yes, I'm a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman. But I'm also human. And sometimes all a person needs is two loving arms to let them know that someone has their back.
It would've been nice to have someone who could have helped me run all those errands when I was incapable. It would've been nice to have someone prepare my oatmeal and remind me when to take my medicine, to sit with me in the bathroom while I showered to make sure everything was OK, or even to just sit on the couch and keep me company while I watch Netflix all day, because I can't do anything else but chill here.
You can try to carry on by yourself, only worry about yourself because that's the easy and safe thing to do. But one day, you'll need to accept that you need to make room for another person in your life, because there will be times when you need someone to help take care of you. And they'll need you, too.
Being by yourself can be wonderful. But finding someone who makes you feel like you never have to go through something alone?
Man, that's a beautiful thing.