Soul Mates, Karmic Relationships, Life Partners & Twin Flames Explained

Whether you're a hopeless romantic or swear that love is dead, chances are at one point or another, you've questioned the validity around the idea of soul mates. How can you not? The thought alone is so fascinating, regardless of whether you think it's true or completely absurd.

Do they exist? Is there really one person out there for me? Is it all bullshit?

I think it goes without saying that I've definitely been drawn to this topic. For those who've followed The Problem With Dating over the years, you already know I absolutely believe in soul mates, but what I've recently learned is I had the concept all wrong.

Now--full disclaimer--I'm still learning about all of this stuff, because it can definitely make your brain feel like mush when you get too deep, but you guys always ask me about this, so I figured, I'll share what I know so far, along with some resources that you can venture over to whenever you wanna dive in further and do your own research.

So, grab yourself a snack and get comfortable, because we're about to go on a spiritual ride...


Before I jump in, let's go over some definitions for words you'll be seeing in this post.

Soul: The ethereal substance or spirit particular to a unique living being. The soul is immortal and its energy can be seen around the physical body as the aura. The soul is an aspect of energy consciousness from a larger essence of a monad and has a personality that continues to exist after “death” of the physical body. The purpose of your soul is evolution through the guidelines of Universal Law.

Higher Self: The higher self is the ethereal high vibrational mental aspect of your soul that serves as liaison between your soul and your monad. Discovering how to communicate with your higher self as a guide is essential in the spiritual awakening process. Going within is the method of finding your higher self. The truth and answers to any question can be answered by your higher self and is a vital part of discernment.

Monad: The monad is the “oversoul” which created the aspect of consciousness of your soul. A monad consists of a male and a female aspect, and when incarnating into a lower vibrational density these two split up and continue to split further into lifetimes. Imagine a wooden wheel of a bicycle where the hub is the male or female part of the monad and the spokes are the aspects of soul consciousness, or lifetimes. All lifetimes of the monad occur in the “now," outside of space and time, and the experiences of all parallel lifetimes can be accessed by each soul once the connection is recognized and strengthened.

Ascension: Ascension is the term used to describe moving from a lower vibrational consciousness to a higher consciousness. It involves acknowledging standing in your full power of who you are as you co-create the illusion of separation while existing in a high vibrational state of love. It is accomplished by consciously connecting with the tools and experiences of your akashic record held within your DNA with the help of your higher self. This is done by merging and balancing the high vibrational essence of who you are into physical manifestation. More simply stated, ascension is recognizing who you are and connecting to that aspect of yourself by raising your consciousness through vibration. For some people, the main purpose of this lifetime is to ascend. A free comprehensive e-book on ascension can be found here.


Here's the nitty-gritty: Yes, soul mates are real, but it's not just one person. In fact, we have lots of soul mates, and that's when things get a little tricky.

A lot of what I'm about to share with you is what I learned when I recently took a webinar on soul mates by Maryam Hasnaa--and it blew my freaking mind.

Basically, if you think of one great Source (or God) being the center of our existence, then we are each fractals of that broken down.

A metaphor she used to explain this that I thought was helpful was imagining that your fingernail spent it's entire life thinking, "I'm just a fingernail." That's very limiting and inaccurate, because the fingernail is connected to the finger which is connected to the hand which is connected to the arm which is connected to the whole body, so really, the fingernail is part of the entire body. It's not a separate entity.

The same is true with our souls and Source, which illustrates the Soul Matrix (monad to soul to soul extensions). Here is a graphic that helps visualize this.

So, as far as soul mates, yes they exist. They're each soul extensions off of one oversoul (or monad), which, as you can see, means you have over 100 (but we're not going to get into which dimension they're all in, because seriously, I might melt).

Here's the biggest takeaway--not all soul mates are romantic. Soul mates come in various forms to help you reach your highest Self.

One article I read on this matter said: "There are 2,135 Soul Groups upon the Earth at this time. Each Group has 144,000 Monads, each Monad has 12 Oversoul Souls that split into the duality of male-female upon entering into the 3D form. You, as either male or female, are that Part of God, which is One with All That Is, to experience, individually, all creation in its diversity and wonderment. Soul Mates are beings who have agreements with you to teach, and be taught by you, the lessons in this diversity in the illusion of time. The purpose of duality is to understand Light and Darkness in fullness of Creation. You, as an individual, have God, both as Light and Darkness. You choose what you will experience in the Now moment. Your life reflects those choices."

Another article describes it this way: "A soul mate may incarnate as your mother or father in one lifetime and then they may switch it up to be the daughter or son in another lifetime. They could be husbands and wives or they are an influential person in your life that helps to balance a past life energy or lesson. Soul mates from a soul group love each other so much that they may have volunteered to be a difficult aspect of your lifetime, which is a blessing in disguise as these lessons catapult you higher on your spiritual path."

Recognizing your soul mates is stepping into your greatness, but not all soul mates are, well, "great."

Remember, soul mates are meant to teach you things, and like the last excerpt said, they also "may have volunteered to be a difficult aspect of your lifetime, which is a blessing in disguise as these lessons catapult you higher on your spiritual path."

That brings us to our next section...


Many of us confuse karmic relationships as "the one," because these relationships have very strong attraction, passion and synchronicity. Here's the part that really blew me away--all of that undeniable intensity is on purpose to draw you into the relationship so that you can get the karmic lesson!


Some of your soul contracts may have included wanting to clear karmic agreements to get out of the cycle of unhealthy bonds, so guess what you'll be getting a lot of? Unhealthy bonds to test you and see if you're going to cut the cord and release yourself from this role you're playing.

If you're experiencing a hypnotic attachment to this person, chances are it's karmic. After a karmic separation, you might experience repulsion. The ideal is to feel a sense of neutrality, otherwise you manifest the same energy in a different body because you're still attaching yourself to that role.

(This is when you start realizing you're dating the same person in different bodies.)

You may have heard me say that love and hate are just two sides of the same coin, not opposites, and this is why. Whether you "love" or "hate" the person, you're still exerting a massive amount of energy onto that situation. So, when trying to cut a cord and move forward, your goal is not to "hate" the person, it's to become indifferent.

Another important point when it comes to karmic relationships is that you need to be careful of pointing the finger. This is not about them, this is about you. What lessons and patterns continue to keep coming up for you? What internal work do you keep making excuses for and refusing to clear?

As Maryam Hasnaa put so perfectly, you want to "breakup with the pattern, not just the person."


A life partner is clearly the person you choose to spend this lifetime with. The main way to help you differentiate this person from a karmic relationship is the energy.

As I mentioned, a karmic relationship has this sort of strong, hypnotic pull. A life partner, or dharmic relationship, is very benevolent and neutral. There's no underlying tension, and it's a better union for the human collective conscious.

Usually we can't identify this partnership because it's not karmic or intense. In fact, you might find this relationship a little boring if you're still tied to the drama. This might even be a friend of yours that you continue to overlook because you're used to the affects of a karmic relationship.


All right, this is the one that really gets people. What's the difference between a soul mate and a twin flame?

Well, according to this article that was referred to me by someone I value when it comes to these conversations, it's this:

Soulmates: different souls that we encounter on our path that are cut from the same “energetic cloth” as us and are sent to help awaken and challenge us so we can become the best versions of ourselves.

Twin Flames: when our own “energetic cloth” grows so big with love that our energy splits into two. This other half becomes our Twin Flame. This often occurs over many, many lifetimes. 

While soul mates come together for personal achievement and help awaken personal discovery, twin flames come together to achieve something on an energetic level to help expand the consciousness of the planet.

Everyone has soul mates, but not everyone has a twin flame.

"Usually when Twin Flames unite, there is a strong desire for them both to create something together that is going to help raise the consciousness of the planet. It often takes many lifetimes for Twin Flames to achieve this, so it could be possible that you meet your Twin Flame, but are unable to complete your mission together just yet."

The article goes on to give you a handy-dandy checklist! Here are the things to help identify a twin flame:

Twin Flame Relationships:

  • Feel fated or “destined” in some way
  • The relationship does not need to be romantic, but there is often a connection felt on all levels
  • There is a strong connection that feels constant and stable
  • There are challenges but they are more about the “self” than the other
  • The relationship brings about a desire to team up together in order to create
  • The relationship almost forces you to respond with love as a way to survive together
  • There can be a strong past life connection together and if highly advanced, it could feel as if it is both your last lifetime on earth
  • Whether you are romantically involved or not, you will always feel a strong connection to this person, but you don’t need to be around each other to experience the connection
  • The relationship helps to prepare you for ascension into another dimension and helps to instill a higher consciousness for the planet

Pretty intense, ey?

Now, this is not the be-all-end-all for every relationship, because at the end of the day, only you know what role a particular relationship is playing in your life. The key is to be honest with yourself. If you know you're in an unhealthy relationship, put those intense emotions on the back-burner and question if this could be a karmic lesson. What am I meant to learn from this? What do I need to break away from? And then do the work to set boundaries and cut the cord, so you can free yourself from this role.

If you find yourself with many people who tip-toe between this soul mate/life partner/twin flame love triangle, don't worry so much about figuring out which box they fit into and just revel in the fact that they're in your life, because that's a gift within itself.

Everything else will work itself out.