Let’s get one thing out of the way first—ghosting is not the wave. We collectively need to step up and do better when it comes to ending our relationships with people, but the fact of the matter is ghosting is still very much prevalent in dating today, and while we can’t wipe it out completely with the flip of a switch, we can try to highlight some behaviors that trigger people bouncing on you without a trace. Of course, these are generalized and one-sided (after all, I’m a guy who’s only dealt with women in the romantic space), but ladies, if you’ve been ghosted, maybe you can identify with one of these personas and get some insight into why you find yourself in these undesirable situations.
1. The Social Media Queens
The Social Media star is a woman that compares her relationship to other couples on social media. Her idea of a man really being interested and caring for her is posting pictures of them together. She states that she is looking for love, but is more concerned about attention from others. She wants a significant other mainly for the purpose of taking pictures that she can flaunt to the masses. A date will always turn into a photo-shoot. She consistently argues about not going out enough, feeling that she is being hidden or tries to delegate what her significant other should post on his page. Ninety percent of her posts are about how she deserves a great man and how she would be the best girlfriend. Love is not seen as a celebration of union as much as it is a competition for her. She is the friend that secretly gets jealous when one of her girls gets engaged and she’s still without a ring.
So why does she get ghosted? Men tend to shy away from the social media queen over time due to realizing her dating process is built on competition. The image of a great relationship is more important than the health of a relationship. Most men realize her standards aren’t her own, but predicated on the actions of other couples. A man might as well choose to be single if he has to consistently impress others to date Kylie Jenner.
2. The Pseudo-Detectives
The detective is the woman that researches every action you take. The detective is extremely curious and in some cases very insecure. She will study your social media handles with the same intensity as having to get an “A” on a final to graduate. You will constantly get questioned about why you liked that woman’s picture, why that meme made you laugh, or why certain people are on your Snapchat. You’ll also be bombarded with questions about why you didn’t call or text at a specific time of the day. And even when you do hit her up, a text message could simply read “OK” or “Yes,” and she will believe that there are deep-rooted underlying issues. She will also ask you the same question repeatedly in an effort to “catch you” in a lie.
So why does she get ghosted? Dating a detective makes you feel like you’re the prime suspect on an episode of CSI. It is extremely draining dating someone who makes you feel like you’re guilty until proven innocent even when you’ve done nothing wrong. After a while the consistent questioning and researching causes many men to just flee the scene.
3. The Intimidators
The intimidator is the woman who always states that she’s single because men are intimidated by her beauty, success, or being strong willed. To the intimidator’s credit, in some cases she is correct. Some men are intimidated by those things and fear dating a woman who is more successful than he is. However, a lot of men are attracted to strong women. The problem occurs when the Intimidator forgets that men want to feel needed and appreciated. She doesn’t understand or won’t accept that most men have a hero complex. The intimidator will reply to logic by saying, “A man that wants to feel needed is insecure. A man who wants his ego brushed is weak.” The intimidator doesn’t understand nor want to learn how to balance damaging a man’s psyche vs. tough love.
She is extremely strong-willed and confident in her accomplishments. The intimidator has been independent for so long that she is afraid to be vulnerable and open. Some intimidators only date men less successful than her because she believes successful are more likely to cheat or use their position of power against her.
So why does she get ghosted? The intimidator constantly reminds you she doesn’t need you or anyone else to be happy, which in turn makes you feel worthless or unappreciated, so you bounce. Additionally, the intimidators are the most likely to be cheated on or ghosted due to their men being easily susceptible to compliments and appreciation made by other women.
4. Little Miss Perfect
Little Miss Perfect is the most common out of the usual suspects. She believes she is God’s gift to the world. Any man she dates should be honored to have her. Whomever she chooses to date should put in maximum effort without her having to reciprocate. She believes she is the catch, so it’s a privilege to be courting her. Her favorite sayings, whether she says it aloud or not, are "Any man I date is lucky to have me" or "Guys just don’t put in enough effort for someone like me." For this reason, Little Miss Perfect is never at fault for a breakup. Whenever there is an argument, guess who is to blame? She could break up with five guys for the same reason and still not take acceptance for her actions. Being that she has no acceptance for her mistakes, she feels no reason to change, and therefore, will continue to make the same mistakes with each potential partner.
So why does she get ghosted? Men will realize she isn’t worth the headache. If she doesn’t get her way it will always become an issue. Once the spell of her looks, sex, or career success wears off, one truly has an understanding of what he signed up for. She has a great resume for a girlfriend but doesn’t have the intangibles. She consistently plays the victim, unwilling to compromise (which is disguised as settling) and feels her partner needs to change, yet she is exempt from doing the same. She yearns for old school love from her partner, yet she feels women from that era did too much for a man.
5. The Mrs. Clauses of the World
Mrs. Claus has her list to see if you have been naughty or nice. She has her idea of the criteria for the perfect man. A first date with Mrs. Claus is similar to going on a job interview. She will ask you questions from her personal checklist and the resume she made by checking your social media. If a man only applies to 9 out of the 10 on that checklist, she is moving on to the next. Items from her checklist to move forward after the first date include, but are not limited to: Occupation, Height, Weight, Beard or No Beard, Physique, Political Views, Salary, Social Views, Car, Rent or Own, Education, Style of Dress, Cell Phone Carrier, Kids...
Her approach to dating is almost robotic, with a man’s character, principles and their connection are considered an afterthought. Mrs. Claus is far from perfect, but expects perfection from whomever she dates. Some of her go-to quotes when it comes to dating are: “The perfect man is out there,” or “Nobody has their shit together.”
So why does she get ghosted? Mrs. Claus gets ghosted because men realize they will never live up to her dating expectations. There is nothing wrong with Mrs. Claus having high standards. However, if she doesn’t match the standards she places on potential partners it comes off as her being a hypocrite. Mrs. Claus is also very boring. Mrs. Clause feels all men should date, act and believe the same principles. She becomes predictable and a lot of prefer some type of adventure.
What do you think? Fellas, let me know if this is true or not. And ladies, holler if you find yourself in one of these categories.