As a blogger, social media is kind of my life. Between Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook and running my blog, Give Me Mora, I feel like I am sometimes a walking hashtag. But it’s not just me that's run by the social sphere, it’s most of us. And oftentimes, the line between what we see on the ‘gram and what's happening in reality gets blurred. I hate to break it to ya, it’s only getting worse.
Social media has become our reality. If you didn’t post it, did it really happen? If you’re not social media official with your S.O, are you even really together? Did you make sure to tweet about your feelings today?
I recently heard my Rabbi, Rabbi Wolpe, speak about social media and relationships and it really had me wondering how to navigate this digital world we are now immersed in because, I’ll be honest, I thought I had it all figured out. Rabbi Wolpe explained that with older generations, if you dated someone and broke up, it was out of sight and out of mind. There was no way to really know what your ex love interest was up to and visa versa. Everyone just kind of went about their business, mourned the end of the relationship, and eventually moved on. However, now we have to deal with seeing them all over the worldwide web. You never really break up with your ex if you’ve still got tabs on them, making it much harder to move on and let go.
That’s some serious realness I never even thought about.
I guess it’s true when they say you don’t fully understand things until it happens to you. And boy, did it happen to me. An ex of mine recently deleted and unfollowed me on every social media platform. At first I was like, WTF?!?! I couldn’t grasp the idea that someone I loved would go out of their way to unfollow me, especially when they were the reason the relationship failed. My ego kicked in and thoughts of, “Wait, if anyone is unfollowing anyone here, it should be me. He was the one who broke my heart!” Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work that way. It’s not always about you (contrary to what some people may think).
I was hurt and upset. Within 12 hours of our last conversation, he pretty much deleted me from his life. Or so it felt. OUCH. I kept wondering how someone could do me dirty like that without so much as giving me a heads up. Let’s be real, y’all know I’ve got apps that alert me when someone unfollows me! It’s part of keeping track of my business and brand!
Perhaps it’s true: You never fully break up until you break up on social media.
After 24 hours subsided, I put on my big girl pants and started to find the humor in it. (A special shout out to my girlfriends for laughing with me and showing me the blessing in disguise.) My feelings and the acceptance I came to about the pseudo-relationship being over was already in a coffin months ago when he couldn’t give me what I deserved. The unfollows just put the nail in it.
I get it. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do in order to move on. If you need to not be reminded or tempted to keep tabs on your ex, hit that mute button on Twitter & Facebook and go ahead and unfollow from the rest. Just be sure to have respect for what your relationship was and for the person involved--like giving them a heads up instead of just going ghost without notice.
The way I conduct my personal relationships whether through screens or in person is the same--with respect and fairness to the other person by opening honest lines of communication. Thanks to the web, communication is a lost art. It is now way too easy to be a coward and hide behind our screens, which is something tons of people do every single day because it’s easier than having to man up and spark the uncomfortable conversation.
The social media break up can sometimes be just as bad if not worse than the actual break up, so handle with care. Do each other a solid and let the receiving-end know what’s up prior to clicking those unfollow buttons. It’s the right thing to do, and in a world where there is so much crap going on every single day, you don’t need to be a crappy person on top of that by hurting someone’s feelings in order to save your own.