It's been nearly four years since I've publicly written to you, but I speak to you all the time. Well, technically, I speak to empty space and hope that my words find their way to you. It's crazy, isn't it? Believing in something you can't see.
In those four years, I've fallen in love a few times, and sometimes I swore it was with you. But life did that thing again where it reminds me that maybe I wasn't quite ready for you yet.
So I call those loves lessons. Maybe you had them, too? Sometimes I got so caught up in them, I tried to turn the lessons back into true love, but they always fell through.
Probably because they weren't you.
I wonder what you spend your time doing, and if it's anything like me. If you also sit alone at night, fighting for a love that deep down you know was never meant to be. But it gets lonely sometimes, doesn't it? You need some affection. You're tired of this revolving door full of temporary connections.
I know. I've been there, too. In all honesty, I'm still there, and for that I apologize to you.
See, maybe you're in the same place as me--still figuring love out. Ready to really settle down, but finding lovers who don't know what they're about. Or maybe you're solid, and I'm the one making you wait, because I keep investing my time and energy in the wrong place.
It's hard to let go, but you already know that. I'm getting better at it, though. I want you to know that.
It's crazy, isn't it? Loving after pain.
Sometimes I wonder how I could possibly ever love again. But I do, and it's always the same. Even after cheating, lies and betrayal, I find the ability to trust in someone new. That's something bigger than me, because I don't know how I do it. Even when I feel like I can't anymore, something pulls me through it.
Maybe you've felt that, too? Been so crushed that you swore off love, but something inside you said, "That wasn't meant for you. But I promise to give you what you've been deprived of. Just keep pushing through."
So even though you wanna give up, you don't. And you say you'll be more distant next time, but you won't. Because you know that's just fear talking. You have too much love in your heart to see a connection and keep walking.
You stop. You marvel. You let yourself become consumed. It's risky, but sometimes, it's the best thing to do.
I'm so grateful for that, because when it comes to me and you, I don't want to pay the price for something I didn't do. And I promise, I'm going to try and do the same for you.
It's crazy, isn't it? We don't even know each other's name.
Yet I pray for you and you pray for me and we're asking for the same. Health, love, happiness. Guidance, clarity and peace. A sign from the Universe to figure out what any of this means.
You're molding into the man I need. And it's taken some time to mold into the woman you need, but I'm getting close.
Don't give up on me.
I won't give up on you.
And when we finally meet, we will show each other the type of love we'd never experienced, but have always known.