You pull out her weave and start clapping in her face while yelling, "I AIN'T NO DUMB BITCH." Just kidding. Please don't become an episode of Love & Hip Hop.
This subject topic was sparked by an interesting email that I received recently from an anonymous reader who asked that I address "how you feel about crossing paths with women who have slept with the same men as you?"
I was hesitant about writing this, and I'll tell you why--she was talking about me.
The email began with this girl telling me that she came across my IG two years ago after seeing that mutual guy "friends" were liking and commenting my pics, and then proceeded to tell me that we were apparently hooking up with the same guys at the time, detailing specfic occasions when she would see me out with someone she was also allegedly talking to.
[P.S. I quickly figured out who the anonymous reader is. The fact that I've only been openly affectionate with a handful of guys ever, along with the fact that I'm a woman and a journalist, made it pretty easy.]
"It became the oddest obsession. The numbers grew so quickly, and I felt like I was in some sort of competition with you...This gorgeous girl is literally swapping spit with me, and I see it happening with my own two eyes."
Could I have just ignored this email and pretended it never happened? Yes. And a part of me felt that was totally justified. However another part of me, a deeper part of me, felt like by not addressing this, I was being a hypocrite. I'm always on here preaching to keep it 100, but I'm going to shy away from a topic because it directly involves me? That's not right. Plus, this is something that happens to a lot of people, so let's talk about it.
She mentioned a very specific moment in Vegas when she just so happened to be behind me in a cab line (so strange) and saw me being affectionate with a guy. Now, as I said, I don't do PDA with a lot of guys, so it was really easy to figure out who she was referring to. Like, really easy. There was only one guy.
"I turned to my best friend and we both just laughed, and I asked myself, 'I wonder if she knows that she's not the only one?'"
No, I didn't know, because if that was the case, I wouldn't have been in that line with that guy. I don't mess with dudes who have other girls. Plain and simple. Whether it's serious or not, I don't waste my time on a guy who's fucking around, and the second I start wondering if there are others in the picture, I chuck the deuces.
She also said there were others, but I really couldn't begin to guess who she's referring to. Not because there were so many, but the complete opposite...there was really nobody.
Which brings me to my next point (and please pay attention to this part): INSTAGRAM DOES NOT ALWAYS REFLECT REAL LIFE.
I have guys following, commenting and liking my pics? Well, here's the truth of the matter: 90 percent of those guys are people I've never hung out with in real life or even talk to. Think about it. If someone was able to see you or call you or text you, would they be all over your pics all the time? No. They would mostly do that shit offline.
"At first I was envious, and even jealous of you. My constant thought: This gorgeous girl, with this incredible body, and outstanding capability to express herself along with the thoughts and feelings of millions of people in our society is my competition. HOW THE FUCK DO I COMPETE WITH THAT?"
I share that not because it's a nice stroke for my ego (but really, that was nice), but because that really threw me. Like whaaa? I've been there. I've mentally sized myself up with other girls I don't even know and started feeling like I'm a failure. And I've been open about that. But we have to stop doing this to ourselves.
Look, as big as LA is, it's also super small. Chances are you're going to run into someone who may have had a thing with someone you're dealing with, how you react to it--depends on the situation (and your maturity level).
When I was 15, I was at a house party and had to share the bathroom with not one, but two girls that my boyfriend at the time had cheated on me with. I was extra ballsy back then, so while we're all in there, I simply turned and said, "Oh yeah, aren't you the girl that slept with my boyfriend?" My friend that I was with gave me a look like Bruna shut the fuck up. Not because that was bold, but because one of the girls was a huge gangbanger that could have easily squashed me like a bug. But hey, I'm still alive so it's all good.
Am I saying you should confront situations in that way? Hell no. In fact, women often misplace their anger on the other woman instead of the man, forgetting that more likely than not, that female you're getting crazy on is a victim of his lies, too.
So what happens when you cross paths with a woman who's slept with the same man as you? Nothing. You just keep it movin'.
But how?! Easy. It's always going to be one of two scenarios: It was either in the past or it's happening right now. If it's happening right now, you already know what to do...drop that fool. If it was in the past, who cares? Don't waste your energy or carry burdens from the past into your present and future.
And that's when my motto comes in--If anybody can have it, I don't want it.
End of story.