Your Words Affect Your Dating Reality
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Do you pay attention to what you say? Like, really pay attention to what you’re saying?

Chances are your dialogue is running from your subconscious without any real thought as to the intentions and words you’re putting out into the world. And that’s OK, we all do it, but maybe it’s time to pause and really reflect on that.

It’s fitting that I felt the urge to write this post during Mercury Retrograde (prime time for introspection and also a time where communication can get fuzzy), but a recent phone call with a friend really got me thinking about normalized speech that we use when we talk about love and dating.

The FaceTime began as a venting session, with each of us doing what friends do, before realizing we were in the middle of an earthquake (shout out to all of my SoCal natives!), but at one point she said, “Why do we call it a breakup? Why do we call it a crush? Those words are not good.”

And she’s right.

That got me thinking about how much of our words are unconscious and how deeply they affect our reality without our cosign.

The words you speak become the house you live in.


We’ve become very comfortable with using phrases or speech that have been normalized and passed on generation to generation regardless of them ultimately not serving us. And believe me when I say, what you say matters. Even if you’re just saying it to yourself.

Especially if you’re just saying it to yourself.

The words you speak are subsequently the intentions you put out into the Universe, and they manifest. I understand that some of you may not be spiritual, so this concept is far-fetched, but it is backed by science (everything is energy and energy doesn’t die, it just becomes transformed into various forms of matter, but we’ll save that in-depth convo for another time).

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen my mini rant on this, which stemmed from a quote I saw that read:

“There will be dozens of people who will take your breath away, but the one who reminds you to breathe is the one you should keep.”

We grew up fantasizing about the person or moments that would take our breath away, or people, situations and things that are “breathtaking.” We say it without even thinking about it.

As a woman with anxiety, I don’t want any more breath taken from me. I already struggle to get some deep breaths in as it is, so when I really think about it, I don’t want anyone or anything taking my breath away.

Now, obviously, intention plays a huge role in this. If you say something took your breath away with the intention that its beauty made you gasp, then sure, that can have a different outcome. But many of us say these things unconsciously, which in turn gives their meaning a literal manifestation.

“I want a man to take my breath away.”

Cool. Had that plenty of times, thanks to their actions causing anxiety attacks. I’m good on that for now.

Give me someone who makes me calm and helps me feel at peace. Someone who I can take deep breaths around and brings me back to my heart center. Someone who feels like when you finally catch your breath and it reaches places you forgot about. That’s the one.

Even the words “breakup” and “crush,” as my friend pointed out, are both rooted in catabolic energy. Or, in other words, they’re limiting, resisting, draining and contracting energy.

The goal would be to reframe and rephrase with more anabolic—or constructive, healing, expanding—words.

“We broke up” could change to “We released each other from our romantic partnership.”

“I have a crush” could change to “I’m excited to get to know this person more.”

“He takes my breath away” could change to “He reminds me I’m alive.”

I know I’m sounding very Gwyneth Paltrow “conscious coupling” right now, but maybe GOOP had a point.

Don’t become so numb to common phrases and responses that you lose awareness of what you’re actually saying and putting out into the world.

Words are powerful. You SPELL them out. Reciting them aloud gives them intention.

What you say you speak into existence. So what are you speaking into existence for your life?

I’ll leave it at that for now.