You’re Just Going With the Flow

Whether you’re newly single or on the board of directors for #TeamSingle, you’re happy with where you’re at and are in no crazy rush to get into anything serious right now. You’re enjoying your solo time while meeting new people, and even though you’re not opposed to meeting someone special, you also aren’t about to settle for whoever just for the sake of having someone there. Good for you!


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Book Excerpts

Let That Shit Go

Relatable excerpts from my book Let That Shit Go that might help you:

“Through it all I learned that closure is a luxury, not a guarantee.

This silent epidemic being fought behind closed doors.

We may feel as though we are deserving of some final bow, but the truth is nobody owes us anything.

We are given what those around us decide to grace us with, and sometimes, all they can give us is the choice to stop stalling our lives on the clocks of another, and find the power within us to take the first step forward alone.”

—The One I Thought Was “The One,” pg. 28

“I was so angry with him and taken aback that he could even question my love when I devoted so many years to him, but, maybe he was right. Was I really in it for him? Or was this another “project” I refused to give up on? I definitely cared for him, there’s no denying that, but my unfortunate actions always made me wonder about my actual commitment to the relationship. Did I cheat because I was fed up or did I cheat because I just didn’t care anymore? Did I cheat because I wanted payback for the pain he caused or because I wanted a way out of the relationship I was too afraid to let go of?”

—The One I Tried to Fix, pg. 77-78

“He caught my heart by surprise. Have you ever met someone for the first time, but when your eyes lock, it’s almost like you’ve crossed paths before? Another life, another world, another Universe, who knows—but for whatever reason, someone who should be so foreign is so familiar. That’s what happened with him. I always say time is irrelevant when the connection is real, because you can know someone for years, and still never feel as deep of a bond as someone you met last week. That’s the magic of love and energy, and when you’re lucky enough to experience it, you’ll never be able to forget it.”

—The One Who Challenged Me, pg. 82-83

“In life, we meet a lot of mirrors. These are people who cross our paths to give us direct reflections of things we may not acknowledge about ourselves. He was one of my mirrors, and he showed me parts of myself I didn’t want to see.”

—The One Who Challenged Me, pg. 105-106

“My first relationship was with a boy who couldn’t love me because he refused to love himself, and instead of recognizing that, I let his hatred and toxic energy spill over to me and affect the way I viewed myself and my worth. That is way too much power to give to someone who has proven to be so reckless.”

—The One Who Tried to Break Me, pg. 148

“I realized that I was dealing with a man who was still picking up the pieces of a failed relationship while also trying to solidify himself and his life. I had to honor that and respect where he was, which was a different place than me, and accept that sometimes you can absolutely love someone completely, and still not be with them.”

—The One Who Tested My Growth, pg. 188

“I learned how to not only grow within myself, but with someone alongside the journey. I revealed all of my innermost flaws and secrets, because I was no longer afraid of whether or not they deemed me worthy. I deemed myself worthy, and when our path to continue together was no longer in sight, my value did not decrease just because his position in my life was swapped with empty space.”

—The One Who Tested My Growth, pg. 198

“When it comes to two people in love, cause and effect are not always correlated the way we'd like to believe. We just convince ourselves that's the case, because drawing linear theories to emotional equations makes us feel safe, but it doesn’t always work out that way. Understanding love is not always easy. Recognizing happiness is not always easy. Practicing self-worth and self-care is not always easy—especially when all you've known is the opposite, when all you've allowed yourself is the opposite, when all you kept feeding yourself was the idea that the opposite is all you deserved.”

—The One Who Tested My Growth, pg. 200

“I just wanted a man to show me that I’m worth staying for, because it’s awful to feel like you’re so easy to leave. For that reason, I kept going above and beyond for every man that crossed my path, and because I wanted the praise and validation to fill the void that my father left me with.”

—The One Who Raised Me, pg. 223

“It wasn’t difficult to see the patterns in my life. I invested in people who weren’t willing to invest the same energy in me, and when they left, I’d beg them to come back by trying to prove myself. When they refused, I’d play the blame game and nestle comfortably in my victim mentality. My friends would feed into that mentality, offering me various solutions on why it didn’t work. ‘He just couldn’t handle you,’ or ‘You’re too good for him, anyway,’ were quickly shot to my aid. Bless their hearts, they were just trying to help. But that didn’t help when it came to confronting the truth—I placed my value in such reckless hands, because I refused to care for it on my own.”

—The One Who Saved Me, pg. 251

“Self-sacrifice is not an act of love if all you’re actually doing is depleting yourself of the love you claim to give. Read that again.

For so long, my misconstrued connection between sacrifice and love cost me a lot of heartache. There is such a thing as being selfless to a fault, and when people would tell me that, I wouldn’t understand what they were talking about. I always thought that being selfless was my way of showing love, but really I was just running myself into the ground for people in an effort to gain love back.”

—The One Who Saved Me, pg. 257

“I was always so scared of being left that I worried more about coming across as a person you couldn’t live without than becoming the woman you loved to live with.”

—The One Who Saved Me, pg. 259

“I decided I wanted to let go of every unhealthy pattern, behavior and belief that I used as a crutch so that I could become a different woman. Is that easy? Hell no. Does the temptation to fall back into my comfortable, unhealthy behavior creep up? Absolutely. Will this self-work ever end? Probably not.

Should I still try every single day? Fuck yes.”

—The One Who Saved Me, pg. 262-263

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